Limited by the mind

I sometimes find myself in despair when it seems that there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I want to throw in the towel and call failure my best friend. I surprise myself and the things I think I can not overcome and when I find myself rising to a challenge even though every bone in my body tells me otherwise.

I have the privilege of working for an NPO where I feel a sense of gratitude for being capable of doing everyday things. I have been introduced to the world of disability, namely, Cerebral Palsy - which I would otherwise not have known about. Cerebral Palsy is a disorder of voluntary movement and co-ordination due to the imperfect development of, or damage to certain areas of the developing brain that control the functioning of the muscles.

Cerebral Palsy is not a disease or illness and may be caused by many factors, not all of which have yet been identified. No two people have the same degree of Cerebral Palsy; some vary from minimal disability that can live fully independent lives to severe cases whereby the person would require constant care for the rest of their life.

There was nothing more fulfilling than seeing one of our residents receiving a powered wheelchair. Many of us would see this as a luxury item but like all of us, people with Cerebral Palsy need to explore their surroundings and need to be involved in their communities and families in order to lead a fulfilling life. For many of them, their physical limitations prevent this. What results are isolated, depressed and frustrated individuals who crave social contact and the ability to contribute to society in a meaningful way.

Our CEO is a remarkable woman; she has Cerebral Palsy but has achieved many things that the ‘normal’ healthy individual has not. She is talented and her mind knows no boundaries. So how come has she risen to the challenge? She has been given the opportunity by her parents to experience life to the fullest and not sheltered by the mentality that she cannot achieve due to her disability. She has a wonderful saying, that the only disability is that of people’s mind of what can be achieved. We spend our days trying to provide the highest possible care and to give those disabled the same opportunities to achieve greatness.

I am in awe and grateful of what I can do for myself and every time I think about what can and cannot be done, I think about the many people disabled that achieve greatness despite what they got handed in life.

Try a cliché

According to Wikipedia, a cliché is a saying, expression, idea, or element of an artistic work which has been overused to the point of losing its original meaning or effect, rendering it a stereotype, especially when at some earlier time it was considered meaningful or novel.

‘Put that in your pipe and smoke it’ is frequently used as exclamation, this cliché which originated from the United States (where else) and was used when someone wanted to belittle another. It is used when delivering information that is contrary to the belief or understanding of the other party.

Now I know someone who often comes up with ideas to brainstorm and uses this cliché to communicate that I should ponder on the idea. At first I thought that perhaps it was an amusing attempt to relate it to the fact that I am a smoker. Nevertheless, it was witty and I caught on and started using it myself, not realising the original meaning behind it. So now that I know what those Americans really intended the phrase for, I don’t think I will be using it anytime soon. In today’s world there are so many other things in life which are more important than coming up with clever phrases or clichés. I mean who takes the time out to think up these things. There are things like disease, poverty, crime, famine, corruption…now put THAT in your pipe and smoke it...

Is it better to be feared or loved?

When watching the Alice in Wonderland movie, one of the characters, the Red Queen, posed an important question which got me thinking…is it better to be feared or loved? In the movie the character tries hard to be loved by the kingdom but when betrayed she quickly changes to be a fear-driven queen.

These characteristics had me thinking as to which leaders are more effective in their ruling? There are many examples of leaders which have taken both sides of the fence. You have Nelson Mandela who proves to be an unselfish leader who fosters relationships based on love and sound governance. On the other side, a good example is Adolf Hitler or better yet, let’s keeps it local, Robert Mugabe. These leaders fostered a following based fear and hardship.

How often is it that you come across a work environment whereby, the manager is adored and respected – not too often. I think a contributing factor is due to the fact that mangers have the unfortunate of disciplining staff. Would it then be a factor in which the success of the leader is dependent on? Is it possible that if the people in question are good that it is possible to have a loving superior?

While Hitler may have been a cruel leader, he got results. In today’s world, his governance may have been out of line as we attempt to become more civilized human beings. One thing is for sure, I am glad I come from a democratic ruling where there is freedom of speech …even if the people at the top do very little about it.

Feelings follow behaviour

How true is this statement? If I think about how feelings are surfaced based on behaviour, an example being, if your boss goes mental because a task was not performed correctly, this could cause the employee to feel inferior or sad. I have learnt something over the past 5 years, that no one can make you feel something. You make a decision to be sad or happy. This being said, I would have to say that behaviour follows feelings.

If I am happy and positive at the start of my day, my behaviour and actions will most likely be productive. My mindset is ultimately what determines how I behave. The UK is well known for the perception that the people are grumpy and not friendly. Having been there for over a year, I can honestly say that I enjoyed every minute of it.

My experience there was not any different from anybody else’s; I experienced the same weather and circumstances. The difference was that I had a positive attitude which reflected in my behaviour. The beauty of life is that at any time, you can start your day over…

Pet peeves

I was always under the impression that I was rather patient and understanding person, but with the recent passing of my father and the catch up I had to do when transgressing back to the reality of life, proved me otherwise. It had me thinking of all the things that would annoy me, better known as pet peeves.

According to Wikipedia, a pet peeve (or pet hate) is a minor annoyance that an individual identifies as particularly annoying to them, which to a greater degree than others may find it. So what is it that annoys me that to others may seem insignificant or petty? The list could go on forever, so I have highlighted my top 20.

1. People who do not use their indicator to signal when turning.
2. People who wait till the last minute to cross on a signaling arrow then don’t allow any other drivers to turn.
3. People who drive slow in the fast lane.
4. An untidy room – I am not your mother and will not clean up after you.
5. People that gossip and back stab.
6. When situations don’t go my way, after the 5th or 6th time of trying i.e. when the forces are against me despite my hardest efforts.
7. Automated answering machines when trying to reach a company.
8. People not washing their hands after using the bathroom.
9. Going to a restaurant and getting dirty cutlery or crockery.
10. People who do not use their initiative on a simple task.
11. People who insist on standing right behind me at the ATM.
12. People who use a sauce or a lotion and leave it to get crusty around the opening.
13. People who stereotype on other people based on their colour, upbringing, financial status and education.
14. No toilet paper or somebody not thinking to replace it. Even worse…when it comes off one sheet at a time.
15. Bad customer service and then bad service when complaining about the bad service.
16. Ignorant people.
17. People talking non-stop while I am watching something.
18. People who smoke with children or animals in the car.
19. People who throw their cigarette buds out of their car because they don’t want their car to stink – ironic don’t you think.
20. My computer or internet that is not working as fast as I need it to. Especially when trying to upload blogs

One thing that I did realise when I was blogging about this topic was that I am not as bad as I think. Go to www.getannoyed.com for a list of what ticks some people off. Now while I may have been short strung, I believe that a lot of what annoys me is dependent on my mood at that moment in time. Many things I will let slide if I am having a great day and the harsh reality is that I cannot change others, so the best solution is when having a tough day, is to take a moment, pray for the poor person who is annoying me, then start the day over.

It’s better to practice a little than talk a lot

One thing that I have learnt from my tertiary education is that practice makes perfect. Theory is a fundamental part of education but so is in-service training. At the tertiary institute I attended I had the privilege of working for an organisation where I got to practice what I learnt first hand, it was a trial and error learning environment.

There is nothing worse than entering the working world for the first time and putting your knowledge to practice – the uncertainty of how things are relevant and how to apply what you have learnt. The number one problem students face when trying to enter the market is posed by the company’s interviewer…’How much experience do you have?’ For a student that would be none. However, employing an intern allows the student to learn and the company to teach and mould the student – at a fraction of the cost it would take to employ an experienced employee. The experience proved most valuable when both the learner and the company know what is expected from an intern.

There is a saying, ‘There are 3 frogs, and 1 decides to jump in the pond…how many are left? The answer is 3 because the 1 frog only decided but did nothing’. This goes to say about many situations, that people talk about making the change but somehow the actions just never follow. All talk...and we all know talk is cheap. The political world is much like this…but that is a topic for another day.

In my opinion, it is better to practice a little than talk a lot about a topic that one has no experience about because what is the conversation or your frame of reference really based on? The expression ‘practice makes perfect’ is a true reflection. A text book can only get you a piece of paper at the end of the day saying you have graduated, which is a starting point but practice, application of that knowledge and experience can take you to new heights…

What’s the point?

One has to wonder who invented tests and whether he or she was very liked. What is the purpose of a test? Is it to ensure that the necessary knowledge is learnt by the individual? There has got to be another way?!?!

I have sat on numerous occasions trying to cram in information, sometimes on the last minute, for a test. I ask myself, how much of that information I have managed to retain. The answer is not much. Some have still not realised that continuous assessment is by far a better tool to monitor knowledge learnt, apply theory and retain information.

A test, on the other hand, is a task whereby I freak out, parrot study and hope for the best. Not a true reflection of my knowledge as many factors come into play…how anxious I get when faced with a test, how fast I can write, my ability to remember information.

I think of myself – when working on an assignment…I have to do research, my literature review, do extensive reading, do application to indicate my understanding, draft, revise, proof read and develop and expand on my knowledge. Not forgetting the dreaded Harvard Referencing.

Continuous assessment is more beneficial to me and to the real world out there…I mean….my employer is not going to test me on a project – s/he will want reports, evidence. I may not be able to ace a test but I can work twice as hard to get A-student grades…should this opportunity not be given to all students?

Wedding cake in the middle of the road

Dear John

This day was a sign of defeat, heart ache and a blinded judgment call. What is left of my big white wedding is in the middle of the road - my anguish and embarrassment on display for all who pass by. My dreams of having a big white wedding have been tarnished…and there are so many to blame.

Cold feet could have been understandable…another woman on the side would have had me hysterical but still would have been better than this. Your nut-case of a family has done nothing but give me grey hair and sleepless nights.

Your family is barbaric, for a better lack of words; they have no sense of etiquette. Your brother felt up my 90 year old grandmother and the fact that your dad showed up drunk was not only disrespectful to the guests but to me too. Despite all this, I have allowed them to attend our wedding. Which I admit was a huge mistake that I have regretted every second since.

I can take many things but this is the last straw…when your mom locked you in the room and I waited for you over 3 hours in a church full of guests…I was humiliated. The cherry on the cake is the Jerry Springer show she pulled when she rugby-tackled me off the alter when I wanted to go look for you. My designer dress in shreds and half my hair pulled out.

As if this was not enough, despite my begging and pleading, she threw our wedding cake out in the middle of the road – to add to my mortification. They have done nothing but sabotage our relationship from day one. I have put up with a lot of things but a crazy momma’s boy I will not. I wish you many more happy years attached to your mother’s apron strings.

P.S. I will be sending you the wedding bill. Don’t call me, I’ll call you.

Yours truly,

Veronica

A human race desensitized

I recently sat in a company where the people debated how quickly some people came across shocking news and then moved on. Such related topics included, Zuma’s ‘alleged’ rape case and how it was swept under the carpet and then elected president. How Kate Moss was exposed for her drug habits and not long after that she is running the catwalk again.

So why is it that the human-race is able to able to overlook certain things so quickly? I happen to think that life is on fast-forward and we have desensitized ourselves. It’s due to the fact that there will always be something new to talk about. That Jooste’s scandal is only hot news until a new scandal like Tiger’s comes along? Is it just that as humans we are too forgiving after that pitiful slap on the wrist if Malema runs his mouth?

We desensitize ourselves to causally read the horrific stories in papers, not to mention eat our dinner while watching the news. What have we come to??? I asked a friend how he could work in a morgue; he says he just leaves the emotions at the door. He looks at it as a job and not a human whose life had come to an end. How about the doctors who see and deliver bad news, to them it is just another speech or day at the office while they keep it all together.

We switch off our emotions, leave it at home and continue in the rat-race called life…

Is it a poor idea to lie to yourself?

My natural reaction would be NO but denial is a wonderful thing and procrastination goes hand-in-hand with it. Sometimes the reality of a situation can be too overwhelming that one needs to escape.

I particularly find denial useful when life seems too much to handle. Like when looming deadlines seem to take over my life and I lie to myself and say that I’ll do it tomorrow or after a nap. The procrastination which follows as a result of the lie seems to do more harm than good in the end - yet I never seem to play the movie out to the end and think of the stress it causes me.

With the recent passing of my dad, I find myself coping with the situation by saying that he is going to walk through the door any minute. So how healthy is it? I find it helps keep me sane even if it is only for 8 hours while I try to continue with life. Reality is harsh and a bitter pill to swallow.

A lie can transport you to a place where all is well and there is a dream of a happily ever after but a lie doesn’t stay hidden forever...all it does is give comfort in that moment. There is a saying ‘My shit sticks, but it’s warm’. This is how life can be described when I live a lie…it sucks but it is soothing…