Have you figured out the second head fake?

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I think that I live my life doing unto and treating others as I would like done unto me. I happen to think that I live my life according to God’s will and society’s rules. I understand what it is to have morals and integrity - and to live by them.

I fully understand that life can be cruel and unfair and when you least need it to be. That if I want something that I need to work hard to get – that there are no hand-outs in life. However, just because I worked hard does not mean I will get what I want. God has a greater plan for me. Sometimes, He closes doors to open a window to an even better opportunity.

I live my life in the present moment but also planning that God will grace me with a future, therefore, I plan my life accordingly. I have learnt to make mistakes, learn from them, pick myself up, to make amends where necessary and do things differently. I have learnt to be the kind of person I can respect.

Have I mastered the art of the second head fake? Not by a long shot, but the beauty of life is that there is no final destination, rather the constant opportunity to improve on myself to be the kind of person I want to be.

Why hasn’t the world stopped?

I have learnt over the years that time doesn’t stand still…when trying to meet a deadline or when trying to catch the last train. Time is a bitter sweet reality…it sometimes feels like a lifetime or goes by so quickly you swear it’s a thief.

On that day, I found that cars didn’t drive fast enough, robots took forever to change to green and that 5 minutes feels like eternity when waiting for an ambulance to arrive. It’s sudden and the hurt and regret runs so deep that it feels as though no amount of time could heal the pain.

Endless questions that go through my head as to why God called him home…and why now. I’m not ready. So much to get guidance on, so many memories still to share and the privilege of having him walk me down the aisle one day. Questions of the dreaded ‘what ifs’ are on replay…what if the doctors discovered it sooner, what if the ambulance came sooner, what if I managed to get home 30 minutes earlier? What if I took the time to say bye that morning???

One minute we here and the next minute we gone…we all just on borrowed time. But the reality is surreal and the worst part is that life doesn’t stop. The sun continues to rise despite the gloom of my sorrow and heartache, people continue with their lives whilst mine feels shattered, deadlines continue even when they seem so minor in the bigger scheme of things.

So many people have something to say in attempt to comfort you when all I see is their lips moving and not absorbing any sound. There are no words of comfort, but would be grateful if God decided that He made a mistake and returned my dad…the thought is comforting but is never going to happen. So, I have put the world on mute. And if I could have the world bear my pain…I would.

To most people that Friday was just like any other…getting ready to party the night away…to drink and be jovial. While a few people, like me, felt our world stop. I find myself angered with those close to me for wanting to go out and celebrate life. Why is life continuing for them…why hasn’t it stopped?

I miss him not only because he is my dad but because he was a great man. My tears are scars of a battle lost. My world has stopped because his existence mattered to me…

In remembrance of late Kenneth Douglas Kannemeyer
Born: 24 September 1949
Called home: 16 April 2010