Is it better to be feared or loved?

When watching the Alice in Wonderland movie, one of the characters, the Red Queen, posed an important question which got me thinking…is it better to be feared or loved? In the movie the character tries hard to be loved by the kingdom but when betrayed she quickly changes to be a fear-driven queen.

These characteristics had me thinking as to which leaders are more effective in their ruling? There are many examples of leaders which have taken both sides of the fence. You have Nelson Mandela who proves to be an unselfish leader who fosters relationships based on love and sound governance. On the other side, a good example is Adolf Hitler or better yet, let’s keeps it local, Robert Mugabe. These leaders fostered a following based fear and hardship.

How often is it that you come across a work environment whereby, the manager is adored and respected – not too often. I think a contributing factor is due to the fact that mangers have the unfortunate of disciplining staff. Would it then be a factor in which the success of the leader is dependent on? Is it possible that if the people in question are good that it is possible to have a loving superior?

While Hitler may have been a cruel leader, he got results. In today’s world, his governance may have been out of line as we attempt to become more civilized human beings. One thing is for sure, I am glad I come from a democratic ruling where there is freedom of speech …even if the people at the top do very little about it.

We are afraid of the wrong things

Being afraid of something is so common, every person is afraid of at least one thing in life. I did some research and stumbled on the Phobia List (www.phobialist.com) which listed some bizarre and some real fears that people have. Some included in the list were Cnidophobia (fear of stings), Algophobia (fear of pain), Aichmophobia (fear of needles or pointed objects) Gerascophobia (fear of growing old), Pentheraphobia (fear of mother-in-law).

Come on now…who is afraid of strings? And what exactly are they afraid the string is going to do? Some of MY unnecessary fears include: fear of heights, fear of failure, fear of germs in public places (such as door handles, escalators etc.). I was rather OCD growing up and had an obsession with numbers being even and never touching someone else’s hands.

Growing up we have instilled in us a fear…a fear that eating too many sweet things will cause our teeth to rot and fall out, if we are bad that Santa won’t give us a present, the fear of the dark, the monster lurking under our bed, goblins, witches, ghosts or the famous but never really seen…bogey man. But as a parent should you be realistic with your kids and instead of warning them about fairy tales ‘bad-guys’ like the big bad wolf…warn them about gangsters, guns, corrupt police and politicians???

So, are we afraid of the wrong things? I suppose it depends on how real it is to that person and each person is different. Some fear small spaces which could result in severe anxiety while I have no problem with small spaces. I do feel that there are more serious things to worry about than the dark, strings, heights, germs, small spaces, becoming bald, the bogey man and your mother-in-law. There are things that could touch your life in a more devastating ways…things like disease, HIV AIDS, poverty, retrenchment, famine or drug abuse of a loved one – to mention but a few. Crimes by those who will not think twice to do anything necessary to get what they want and the unthinkable crimes done by those you love and trust.

Do I think my fear of heights is real? Yes. However, there is so much more to worry about in life. Things that is much more real than falling 30 stories or getting biting by the world’s most dangerous snake – I mean really...what are the odds of that happening?