Why hasn’t the world stopped?

I have learnt over the years that time doesn’t stand still…when trying to meet a deadline or when trying to catch the last train. Time is a bitter sweet reality…it sometimes feels like a lifetime or goes by so quickly you swear it’s a thief.

On that day, I found that cars didn’t drive fast enough, robots took forever to change to green and that 5 minutes feels like eternity when waiting for an ambulance to arrive. It’s sudden and the hurt and regret runs so deep that it feels as though no amount of time could heal the pain.

Endless questions that go through my head as to why God called him home…and why now. I’m not ready. So much to get guidance on, so many memories still to share and the privilege of having him walk me down the aisle one day. Questions of the dreaded ‘what ifs’ are on replay…what if the doctors discovered it sooner, what if the ambulance came sooner, what if I managed to get home 30 minutes earlier? What if I took the time to say bye that morning???

One minute we here and the next minute we gone…we all just on borrowed time. But the reality is surreal and the worst part is that life doesn’t stop. The sun continues to rise despite the gloom of my sorrow and heartache, people continue with their lives whilst mine feels shattered, deadlines continue even when they seem so minor in the bigger scheme of things.

So many people have something to say in attempt to comfort you when all I see is their lips moving and not absorbing any sound. There are no words of comfort, but would be grateful if God decided that He made a mistake and returned my dad…the thought is comforting but is never going to happen. So, I have put the world on mute. And if I could have the world bear my pain…I would.

To most people that Friday was just like any other…getting ready to party the night away…to drink and be jovial. While a few people, like me, felt our world stop. I find myself angered with those close to me for wanting to go out and celebrate life. Why is life continuing for them…why hasn’t it stopped?

I miss him not only because he is my dad but because he was a great man. My tears are scars of a battle lost. My world has stopped because his existence mattered to me…

In remembrance of late Kenneth Douglas Kannemeyer
Born: 24 September 1949
Called home: 16 April 2010

The sound of one hand clapping

WikiAnswers mentions that ‘this question is a traditional zen koan - a question posed by a Zen master to a student, to be pondered from within the routine of daily life until the answer opens the true heart of the question’.

What is the sound of one hand clapping? I would imagine…it would be an unbearable sound of nothing which would ring in my ears. It might be empty with nothing to confirm my existence, the silence an indication of my impact on life and on those around me. I would just be a state of being with no history or great tales to tell.

Silence can bring about calmness and serenity from the information overload…but still…I make no impact if I am not making any noise.

It is amazing how things were created in pairs…male and female…two limbs (hands) etc as opposed to one. If I think about one hand clapping and how little impact or sound it makes, it makes me think that if change is to happen we need to work together to get things done. If we each had just one hand but we clapped together, someone would be bound to hear us…

Holding the country ransom

Striking in South Africa seems to be the country’s favourite past time lately. Striking over work conditions, regulations passed that the workers feel are unfair, not getting paid or not getting the increase they ‘deserve’ and the list goes on…there are many reasons for people to throw their toys out of the cot.

Investorwords.com define the term ‘Strike’ as a work stoppage undertaken in support of a bargaining position or in protest of some aspect of a previous agreement or proposed agreement between labour and management.

Now I realise that in order for a strike to be effective, it needs to felt by the economy but where do we draw the line??? There are University of KwaZulu-Natal students out of control protesting about fees. Aurora's Orkney mine workers downed tools regarding not being paid for March.

How many times have the taxi’s striked and burnt tires on the N2 motorway, putting commuter’s lives in danger. The recent strike by a union burnt three carriages of a Metrorail train, costing millions to replace and days before tourists will flood Cape Town. Today’s front page of the Cape Times is about hundreds of Malmesbury students protesting about overcrowded class rooms, these protestors (not forgetting that they are still children) then set the classrooms alight…now what good would that do for the situation? How is it possible to forget basic human conduct and to resort to the boys in the novel ‘Lord of Flies’…are we all barbaric just looking for a reason to act out?

The SA Municipal Workers' Union (Samwu) strike which is said to continue after agreement could not be made over salary debates. Could this continue till the much anticipated event, 2010 Soccer World Cup? How long can they hold a country at ransom when we should be working together to be building a stronger nation so that we are recognised internationally as being able to hold our own?

With the World Cup coming…I dread to think how many people will use this opportunity to hold the country hostage and milk it for all it is worth and manage to discredit it all at the same time. So many people are thinking of the now as opposed to what the future could hold for this country which has so much potential. While I am not saying that people should just accept unfair conditions, I am saying, why can we not agree to halt strikes, protests, violence, racial conflict and act like the ‘Rainbow Nation’ we claim to be….even if it is just for one month…

Not all who wonder are lost

How many times have I wondered around headless…how many times have I been lost? I have lived an eventful life thus far, finding myself in places I only dreamed and places out of my worst nightmare. But how much of those strayed moments had me feeling hopeless?

The answer is many. But the human body and mind is an amazing thing - you can keep going long after you thought you can't. I am a believer that where I have been is not as important; it is where I am going. This I have learned is essential in the game of life. I found myself being the rebel, opinionated and strong-willed…many of which landed me in hot water. I have overcome the limitations of my mind, knowing that my journey may have been warped but the destination is still in sight. This has given me a greater sense of determination and drive to be who I want to be and to achieve.

With every wrong turn, I learn something new about myself and my surroundings. I am humble enough to appreciate the wrong turns that I took along the way, the journey has moulded me to the person I am today. After all, true growth only happens when one has to overcome trials and tribulations…like the magical process of sand going through fire to become beautiful glass…

Individualism vs. conformity…brainwashed?

A good friend of mine recently returned from South Korea where she taught English for a year. We talked about her experiences, the culture, the food, the people and their traditions. One thing she mentioned was that all children were taught to be the same…look the same and learn the same skills. She mentioned how a girl got sent home from school because her hair was not the required length. She then went on to say that everyone took piano lessons instead of them discovering what they were good at.

She revealed that the main aim of being taught conformity was to not discriminate or exclude anyone if they were not talented. She also said that it had remarkable affect on reducing crime by teaching them discipline. They got taught to work as a team or unit, to help each other and reach a common goal. Something she said South Africa could learn from.

It is apparent that in the westernized countries individualism is favoured. We want to be different and pride ourselves on that. What would the world be without the weird Emo’s and Goths…quite dull actually?

The question that one really has to address is…am I my true self or an image of who society wants me to be? We get bombarded by fashion, the corporate world, society, religion, family, friends, brands etc. Does Jockey briefs truly make you feel like their slogan ‘what the well dressed man is wearing this year?’

Are we being brainwashed either way?

It seems there is no escaping the information overload but having the freedom of choice, has always been an empowering aspect to me. I am very opinionated and I will tell you my take on the situation. South Africa may not have the discipline of other countries or the economy but we have freedom of speech and we will have to use this tool till the rest follows.

How do you step from the top of a 100-foot pole?

I would imagine with much reluctance.

I am very cautious to undertake the unknown, my safety net is something I dare venture too far from. I would want to know what is waiting for me at the bottom. Will it be a soft or hard landing? Will I get hurt or will I have a bed waiting for me like Alice in Wonderland?

Why is it that there has to be a voice confirming that everything is going to be alright? I live my life making calculated risks, if the risks seem too far fetched I do not budge an inch. So many of us have a comfort zone that keeps us safe and warm and we need the reassurance of something better or proof of a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow before taking the plunge.

Whether it is leaving the job that no longer stimulates us. Or leaving your parent’s house and learning to cope on our own. To trying a product brand that your mother didn’t use while growing up but you would like to try something new? So many things in life we want to change...things we want to improve on or dreams we hope to fulfill. Dreams of a greener pasture…dreams of being a better Me. So why is the fear of the unknown or failure so crippling?

I would imagine to overcome this, it would start with a curious mind, self belief and a lot of faith. If you look at it from another angle, there could be something great waiting at the bottom. I am currently doing my BTech in Public Relations part time, something that not only tests me mentally but physically and emotionally too. Stepping off a 100-foot pole is a perfect metaphor for my studies. It is a huge leap I am taking but it the end…I am sure I will learn to fly.