The last lecture

Who knew this day would come so soon. I can’t tell whether the days, weeks and months flew by so quickly because we were having fun or because we were ridiculously busy trying to meet our numerous deadlines. It seems as though our “Get-Out-Of-Jail-Card” has finally arrived.

Never the less, this day is a bitter sweet one…I am glad to have my weekends and week nights to myself again yet will miss the numerous media debates, blogs, frantic and sometimes annoying tweets of my peers. Yet it has been a blast…learning! I have learnt to use new online (social) media which I would have otherwise avoided like the plague.

I have discovered that I like blogging, that I can learn on Twitter by having the first Twitter lecture, the Cluetrain Manifesto is true in soooo many ways, that Adobe InDesign is not such a scary application and most of all that I will miss The Pike Machine – her humour, the blog topics, her Twitter flaming, her determination to see us pass/succeed and her innovative ways to teach us! I have had a blast in Media…partly because of the subject but also because of the lecturer!

I’ve been CONNED …and it could happen to you too!

Like many people this time of year, I was scouting for getaways to relax. My boyfriend found an amazing holiday home in Pringle Bay advertised on Gumtree. I know what you must be thinking…Gumtree is DODGEY. Call it a moment of error and desperation. We considered ourselves lucky to have stumbled on a place still available in December.

The pictures seemed amazing…a 12 sleeper, pool, Jacuzzi and only R1000 a night – R2000 for the weekend. I know…it seems too good to be true but like I said we were desperate and at that point excited at the possibility of actually finding a place on such short notice.





Like all procedures…we liaised with the holiday home owner and we advised to act quickly as there were others interested. We jumped at the opportunity to secure the booking and asked for bank details to pay the 50% (R1000) deposit. This process is all pretty standard, you make a payment to secure a booking – it all looks very legit, he even gives you confirmation of payment and a booking reference.

The first red flag came up for me when he specified that an Absa payment had to be done – BF asked me to do the payment since he isn’t with Absa. I have never heard of Absa CashSend, I voiced my concern yet ignored the little voice tell me otherwise and did the payment.

Now for those of you who do not know…Absa CashSend is a “convenient” way to send money to someone without them having an account or bank card with Absa. You provide them with a pin number which gets sms’ed to their mobile number and they can withdraw the money at any ATM. Does anyone see the RED FLAG YET?????!!!!!!!

Still quite chuffed with ourselves, we ask a couple of mates if they wanna join us on another time, advised them to act quickly and let us know so that we could make another booking. That’s when a friend informed me that it’s a SCAM. Believe me when that happens you feel the world being tugged out from underneath you. It is sickening to think that this guy(s) just sits at home on the couch conning people out of their hard earned cash!!!!

I rush to the bank to check whether by any chance the money is still in my account – SURPRISE…it’s gone. So I spend half my working day at the Police station and Absa laying a fraud case. Absa informs me that this holiday home syndicate has been operating since last year. That a guy actually waits at the ATM to withdraw your money.

Believe me, I am well aware that I will not get my money (R1000) back and that I’m probably just adding to the police’s paper work but if there is any way that this loser gets caught I want to be part of bringing the low-life down.

So beware, they don’t call the end of the year silly season for nothing…it could happen to you.

Watch this space

Many times in life, people ask the question why you? Too often this happens in interviews. If I could, the answer would be ‘why not?’ Ok so I would never do that because I think it’s a little checky but you can be guaranteed that I will be thinking it.

Life sure has thrown me a couple of curve balls…Here are a few obstacles I have had to overcome in the last 10 months:
* Doing my BTech has taught me to sacrifice and preserve in ways that I have not known to be possible.
* My father passing away suddenly…and learning to cope with it without resorting to drastic coping mechanisms,
* Experiencing unexpected love, the lover’s quarrels and compromise that goes along with it.
* Giving up smoking…hopefully third time lucky.
* Learning to lose weight and not doing it by smoking.
* Work stresses and career reassessments.
* Finding the balance between love, friendship, family, work, studies and life on life’s terms.

What makes me unique is who I am and the warped way I see the world. I’m ambitious, stubborn, beautiful, intelligent and an extremely determined woman. I have no doubt that I can survive, overcome and exceed expectations set by myself and others on this journey called life...Watch this space!

Beach essentials

The sun is shining…the weather is sweet! Here are my must-have/remember items to soak up the sun…
1. Sun block…being burnt to a crisp or looking like a ripe tomato is never sexy.
2. Beach towel and a good pair of sunnies…no one likes to share either of these on a hot summer’s day.
3. Protect your pout with lip balm…a cold sore pout lip is something out of a scary movie.
4. A good read…if you not a book enthusiast bring one anyway. Giving the stare down on a good-looking bloke can be a little scary and can avoid the stalker accusations.
5. So we all tried drastically dieting before the heat waves arrived, so if you are not 100% bikini ready, please do not try and fit into last season’s swimsuit. No one wants to see you overflow you swimming costume – buy one that flatters your new found-fuller figure.
6. Do something new like learn to surf, paraglide or just take the opportunity to explore.
7. Now some of the ladies may live by the motto: "suffer for beauty" by cramming in their feet into killer heels. What results are Nik Nax toes…and if this happens at least have the courtesy to have a great pedicure.
8. For goodness sake…the beach is a place to kick back and relax…leave the makeup for a couple of hours and let your skin breathe. There is nothing worse than seeing some chic’s face melt in the sun.
9. Ladies be kind to each other…we have enough criticism about our shape and weight from men.
10. Don’t be afraid to overindulge…buy that summer dress, adorable sandal, beach bag, have one too many sundowners, surround yourself with good conversation, love unconditionally and laugh boldly …because you only live once.

Picture courtesty of Flickr: http://www.flickr.com/photos/findthemagic/3937513842/

My favourite Cat in the Hat book...

If you haven't read Dr. Seuss, you have missed on one of the most brilliant childhood fictitious experiences. "The cat in the hat" does make a mess of things and creates utter chaos which is refreshing in comparison with other books which reflect how perfect life should be.

I liked the characters in this book, especially the talking fish. The children should never have let anyone or anything in their house while their mom is gone. Nevertheless the book is fun to read along to the rhyming words and is a fun way to learn. The great thing about the Dr. Seuss books is that you can read it over and over again and it will still be fun.

What do you wish you were better at saying no to?

I must admit that I hardly ever find saying no is a problem, except when it’s a delicious dessert screaming to be eaten *guilty face*.

I am fairly expressive and verbal about what I like and what I do not like. However, there are the odd occasions that I find myself persuaded into doing something…it happens so fast and I find my mouth saying yes when all of my body says no.

Thank being said, I think that I enjoy the chaos of life and having so many deadlines that I want to pull out my hair. I love the fast-paced adrenalin of knowing that I have a million things to get through on my ‘To Do List’. It’s moments like these that I really push the boundaries to go above and beyond of what I thought my capabilities are.

The human body, mind and spirit is an amazing thing, just when you think you can not possible endure anymore, you find the strength (by the Grace of God) to carry on. My mom said something very profound to me when I was faced with one of the most scary and overwhelming challenges in my life: ’when I feel like I’m at the end of my rope…swing’. And that saying is exactly how I have chosen to live my life…

Why I have conversations

Because not even I can stand the constant chatter of my own voice. How dull would the world be if no one listened? People would talk to each other as opposed to talking with each other. It might be important when meeting someone to show interest by having them speak about themselves but it’s a tad annoying to hear someone ramble on whole night. Besides, that’s not going to win you any brownie points with the poor chap who has to endure the pain. CAN SOMEONE PUSH THE MUTE BUTTON PLEASE?! He’s going to take the first opportunity he gets to bolt for the bathroom and never come back.

I went on an open dialogue course recently and was surprised to discover that I do not listen as much I thought I did. It was a major shocker to me. Although in denial, this was apparent especially when I am debating an issue. I rush to express my point and do not hesitate to ignore the person that’s talking so that I may start formulating what my next response is going to be. Needless to say, this profound discovering brought about change.

In public relations, the two most solid concepts which stuck with me are that two-way communication is fundamental and secondly, a win-win situation is beneficial for both parties. Since attending that workshop I now have conversations to be enlightened about life…to show interest in others and hope that they do the same for me. If I never asked questions and engage in conversations, I would never grow in mind or in character.

What activity would you like a lesson from an expert?

This is easy enough – if you’ve ever seen me in a kitchen (or never seen me in a kitchen)…you would know what I would want – cooking lessons from an expert to ensure I don’t poison the poor fellow in the receiving end.

I am the type of person who burns boiling water - utterly hopeless. The thought of cooking makes my palms sweaty and my heart race. I find it such a mundane task that society dictates as the job of the women. Well, if you know me, I’m never in the kitchen and I’m as maternal as a doorknob.

However, that being said – I would like to know how to cook without going into a complete panic. I’d like to do all the fancy dishes shown on the cooking channel – and do it with the easy that those chiefs do it. And the saying, “the way to a man’s heart, is through his stomach” doesn’t help!

I have been terrorized by my grand mother to be more feminine and submissive. Not to mention with the task to be the home starter when in actual fact Gran – all I need to do is find a man who likes to cook…

Bucket list: 100 things to do before I die

1. Paraglide along the west coast
2. Track mountain gorillas in Uganda
3. Sky dive - tandem of course
4. Go shark caging diving
5. Go river rafting
6. Get married - and have the big white wedding
7. Have a family
8. Grow in faith – and be a good Christian
9. Hot air balloon over the Maasai Mara in Kenya
10. Pony trekking in Lesotho
11. Go back to Mozambique for a holiday
12. Microlight over Victoria Falls
13. Soak in the Wikki Warm Springs – Nigeria
14. Travel back to Venice: take a Gondola ride and buy a glass ring – the one I bought fell and broke :-(
15. Stroll through the Roman ruins of Leptis Magna – 130 km east of Tripoli
16. Visit the Kruger National Park
17. Bungy jump again but this time actually jump off as opposed to someone pushing me
18. Learn to surf, more importantly to be able to stand up on the board
19. Learn sign language
20. Learn photography
21. Work one summer at a soup kitchen for the homeless
22. Learn to be more patient
23. Take a road trip and not know the destination
24. Go on holiday and not over pack as I always do
25. Be debt free – not that I have debt now
26. Donate blood on regular moment
27. Take a cruise holiday – destination does not really matter
28. Go to the Maldives and stay in a water villa (house built on stilts in the lagoon).
29. Go to Egypt and explore the pyramids
30. Be able to drive and not get road rage at the stupid people on the roads
31. Be able to stand in front of a crowd and Karaoke like no ones listening
32. Learn to ice skate
33. Be able to go to my dad’s grave and not be sad but rather at peace
34. Learn a new language
35. Blow a month’s salary on shoes/clothes and items for the house
36. Visit the churches of Lalibela – Ethiopia
37. Learn to be quiet and meditate
38. Realise that there is no such thing as PMS and that its just my personality
39. Swim with a dolphin
40. Have an invisible friend
41. Go watch a ballet or opera show at a theatre
42. Make a snow angel in real thick snow
43. Go to India and ride an elephant
44. Visit Greece
45. Write my will
46. Go to Thailand
47. Shop in Bangkok
48. Tell my loved ones that I love them – while I still can
49. Spend the night talking with my husband and watch the sun rise
50. Go to Zanzibar
51. Build a tree house – its for the kids of course
52. Flash an officer of the Law
53. Win the lotto and tell my boss to take a hike – must be dramatic and creative resignation (like in the movies)
54. Learn to cook
55. Go on an African safari
56. Walk the great wall of China
57. Learn to master the art of eating with chop sticks
58. Be a great mom (if I ever do embark on that journey)
59. Learn to make sushi
60. Save enough to make provision for the loved ones I leave behind
61. Learn to play a musical instrument - maybe the harp
62. Touch a snake or let one hang over my shoulders
63. Give to various charities
64. Not care about my weight or the occasional muffin top
65. Have a professional photo shoot done
66. Shop antiques and tasseled fezzes in Fes
67. Learn to drive a motor bike
68. Go to Jamaica – perhaps even retire there!
69. Learn to garden
70. Set off a fire alarm at work and hope that someone doesn't catch me
71. Attend an Oprah show – the Christmas Show!!!
72. Stay out all night dancing and go straight to work the following day
73. Cut my hair into an outrageous hairstyle
74. Purchase my first pair of Manolo Blahnik or Jimmy Choo shoes – break the bank.
75. Go to a wedding and wrestle to catch the bride's bouquets
76. Make my first million
77. Have a happy fulfilling marriage – more importantly, just have ONE marriage and not succumb to the divorce rate
78. Do a job that I love and am passionate about
79. Learn to take a compliment
80. Learn to take criticism
81. Fall deeply in love - helplessly and unconditionally
82. Ask for a raise
83. Shower under a waterfall
84. Experience a white Christmas
85. Look at my family from a distance and realise what a great job I have done
86. Make my own wine – stomping it and "the whole 9 yards"
87. Buy a house and make it a home
88. Overcome a fear
89. Learn to keep in touch with friends and family
90. Become a Sunday school teacher
91. Pitch a tent in my backyard and camp the night under the stars with my kids
92. Send my mom red roses on her birthday and Valentines Day to let her know how much she is loved
93. Stick to my New Year’s resolutions
94. Give ten percent of my income to the church
95. Go to a place where nobody knows me and pretend to be a completely different person – like a millionaire or a doctor
96. Learn to DJ
97. Be a non-smoker
98. Crash a high school party in my 50s
99. Be active and in good health
100. Be an organ donor - to help someone else

Bonus...

101. Be happy and content that I lived a fulfilling life with no regrets

What would the world be like if Santa Claus actually existed?

So what would life be like if the mystical Santa Claus did exist? I think that perhaps the world would be a better place; more people would behave themselves – hoping that their name would be on Santa’s list for a gift. We all know that if you were naughty, Santa wouldn’t bring you a gift.

On the other hand, perhaps it would be a bad thing…people would idealise Santa into a God-like figure and perhaps people would become more materialistic – instead of focusing on the smaller things that brings one joy. I always thought that people appreciate more if they achieved something through hard work. So how many people would people be ungrateful for the gift they have received? Would Santa become a target, would thugs try and rob him? Perhaps Santa would become victim to the sins of the world – sex, drugs, rock ‘n roll and not forgetting corruption.

I don’t know which of the above would be true but I do know that the thought of Santa Claus does bring a smile to my face…of younger, more innocent times. Times of excitement and minimal sleep just incase I missed Santa coming down the chimney. It was a vital part of childhood which I wouldn’t have traded for the world.

GLOOMY THOUGHT: I remember the moment I found out that Santa didn’t exist – how I had been living a lie. Dramatic – I know, but why would our parents give us such an amazing character just so that the dream can be pulled out from underneath us???

My big fat BIG dream

For some this may be an easy question, they may have their life mapped out. I find that my big fat dream changes all the time to what I need at that moment in my life.

When I was younger, all I dreamt about was being skinny, having straight hair instead of curly and being in with the “in-crowd”. Lol…yes my dreams have changed since then…my big dream now is to complete my BTech and gain experience. I dream of travelling to exotic places all around the world. I dream of having a house that is a home or maybe even drive a fancy car.

Then there are times that my big fat dream is to have a big white wedding. Although it is not a priority now, perhaps in the distant future I may wish to have a family. When I am a mother I may find financial security for my loved ones a priority. When I am 80 years, wrinkled and matured like a good wine…I may consider my health most important.

At various times in my life, my dream is to be closer to God. I dream of more profound things than my life – Martin Luther King’s words come to mind, to make this world a better place and to help those less fortunate. Most importantly, despite my age, where I am in life and what my dreams are – above all I would like to be happy and surround myself with loved ones.

So no, I would like to think that there is one big dream that I have, but I don’t – I have many all equal in priority…cause who said I can only have one big fat BIG dream.

When does a house become a home?

As more and more of my friends leave the "nest" and move in to their own place, it got me thinking how important a home is. It is a safe place to retreat back to after a long day, a place that you can wear what you want and truly let your hair down. It is a place of comfort and a reflection of who you are.

So when does a house become a home? I think when you deciding what couch you like and what vases compliment the curtains…your house is still a house. Whether you have the latest designs or appliances…this still does not make it a home.

I think a house becomes a home when you experience great joys – and sorrows, when you experience unforgettable memories and the walls speak of great times, when you see photographs of loved ones displayed all around, when you hear laughter and the occasional angry scream in the passage. You experience life with all the ups and downs in those four walls…when your house is filled with all of this and the people you love…this makes it a home.

Home is where the heart is...

Conventional is a good fallback position, isn’t it?

You kidding right? If I thought that conventional was the next best thing since sliced bread…I would be a square, office cardboard cut-out, a conformist, predictable and conservative. All of which I am definitely not. While there are often times when we are faced with the situation where we feel as though we are at a rock and a hard place. Conventional should never be considered as the fallback option.

When one agrees mentally to just do the bare minimum or not think outside the box, you may achieve your goal but would you exceed their/your expectations. Conventional is safe approach to life; however you cannot gain great things if you do not risk great loss. Change can be a scary thing when embarking on it, but the rewards can be well worth it. So swim against the stream or rattle the cage every now and again…be extraordinary, I mean where’s the fun in being “Normal” anyway?!?!

What makes me smile instantly?

* Finding the last pair of to-die-for shoes and it’s my size.
* Boyfriend surprising me with flowers and No, he didn’t do anything wrong.
* My boss telling me that I can have the day off for no particular reason.
* Results paying off for something I work really hard at.
* Getting a phone call from a friend I haven’t spoken to in ages.
* Dogs…dogs and more dogs.
* The little chocolates on the cushions in hotel rooms.
* My friends and family succeeding or achieving something.
* Full body massage.
* A marshmallow in my cup of coffee.
* Weddings
* Being surrounded by nature.
* Feeling the sun on my skin.
* Those cute emails about animals doing silly things.
* When my money appears in my account at the end of the month - NB.
* Memories of my late father.
* Painting my nails and not smudging it once…I feel great accomplishment when this happens.
* Bf washing up when my nails are painted – he’s the bestest!
* Looking at old photographs and reminiscing about the great memories.
* Learning something new and having it become a skill.
* When my bf does something considerate/thoughtful when I least expect it.
* When I am able to post my blog with NO hassles.
* Driving somewhere and all the robots are green.
* The minds of little people (children).
* Public holidays.
* Festive times in the year, like Easter and Christmas.
* A weekend getaway with friends/family.
* Feeling secure in my relationship.
* My mom surprising me by packing lunch.

* My amazing boyfriend!
* Being surrounded by friends and family.

You cannot chase two rabbits at the same time

Confucius once said, "He who chases two rabbits catches neither." Another saying just like it is, “You can’t have your cake and eat it?” My immediate reaction is that this is great advice to live by, for example, your boyfriend wanting to court two ladies at the same time.

However, it dawned on that with certain things I would actually like to chase more than one rabbit. And it IS possible to do if both rabbits are running in the same direction. An example of chasing two rabbits is having the opportunity to work and be a mom, to have money and happiness, to work and study part time or to attend an event but be able to network and promote yourself. I think whether its cake or a rabbit, who says you can’t have something that helps you fulfill the goals and dreams and help you become the person you are destined to be.

Which super power would you chose: flying or invisibility?

This one is easy…flying of course. I would take pleasure in the thought that I’m not bound to this earth. That my mind and capabilities have no boundaries, that I could go anywhere I wanted to and didn't need to book with an airline or the sit through the dreaded routine of checking in and having to watch the extremely dull safety video.

I would travel the world, meet new people and experience new and diverse things. I would get to live in all the beautiful places that I have seen but never been to. Most importantly, I have the opportunity to learn new things as I experience new surroundings, cultures and their social and economic circumstances. And when I learn…I grow in mind, spirit and character – invisible is the last thing I want to be!

Nothing is more dangerous than an idea when you only have one

I have learnt some valuable lessons, one of the most important being to have a plan AND to have a plan B. Planning the surprise party for my brother this weekend past was challenging yet I wouldn’t trade the adrenaline pumping chaos for anything else. Everything was set…venue, the catering, custom-made classic car cake, balloons, banner, champagne, speech, guests and DJ.

Now just as I am about to start getting excited and celebrating the success of the night to come, the manager of the venue explains that the entire block has been without power since 10am this morning. He assures me that an electrician has been working on it whole day but he cannot guarantee that the electricity will be up and running by the time that the guests arrive. My stress levels spike as I have a mini heart attack. This guy however, does something quite remarkable…he tells me how the plan is going to shit but offers me a life line – he arranges with a restaurant down the road to host the party if the power does not come on in time.

So now I am experiencing life on life’s terms but not completely throwing in the towel and calling it quits just yet. I enjoy surrounding myself with people who devise a plan B or look for solutions instead of harping on how unfair life is for putting an obstacle in their way. What it means is that life will hand me some sour lemons from time to time I am smart enough to think of plan B and make lemonade when it does.

Do you think that crying is a sign of weakness or strength?

Listening to my favourite radio station, they hosted a very interesting topic on men crying and whether it is seen as a strength or weakness. Men are taught to be tough and give off the perception that they have it all together. Women on the other hand show more emotions, sometimes often erratic.

So how do I feel about crying, personally…I am quite a hard person but do have sudden bursts of tearfulness. This can happen while watching a moving movie, when frustrated and I cannot bash the person next to me, when sad or just when ever the next mood swing is due to happen.

I often feel as I have been hit by a bus after a good cry and I don’t look particularly sexy afterwards but I do sleep like a baby. I feel emotional release, sometimes we get so caught up in the pretence to the world showing them that I have it all together – that I’m the perfect child/ sister/ aunt/ cousin/ girlfriend/ friend/ student/ employee/ Christian. It can be quite daunting that when one of the balls drops from the air, I can’t help but belt out a tear.

So do I feel the same compassion for a man that cries? I can respect a man who cries over a loss of a loved one or tears of joy when their child is born. I can respect it when he sheds a tear with me when I am hurt or sad.

A man that can cry definitely is a sign of strength, it shows that he cares and that for me is the most important thing. That being said, if he cried every two seconds because something was sooooo emotional that he just had to burst into tears – I would definitely tell him to man up or get out.

Have you figured out the second head fake?

Did you figure out the head fake? It’s not about how to achieve your dreams. It’s about how to lead your life. If you lead your life the right way, the karma will take care of itself. The dreams will come to you - http://www.quotesstar.com/

I think that I live my life doing unto and treating others as I would like done unto me. I happen to think that I live my life according to God’s will and society’s rules. I understand what it is to have morals and integrity - and to live by them.

I fully understand that life can be cruel and unfair and when you least need it to be. That if I want something that I need to work hard to get – that there are no hand-outs in life. However, just because I worked hard does not mean I will get what I want. God has a greater plan for me. Sometimes, He closes doors to open a window to an even better opportunity.

I live my life in the present moment but also planning that God will grace me with a future, therefore, I plan my life accordingly. I have learnt to make mistakes, learn from them, pick myself up, to make amends where necessary and do things differently. I have learnt to be the kind of person I can respect.

Have I mastered the art of the second head fake? Not by a long shot, but the beauty of life is that there is no final destination, rather the constant opportunity to improve on myself to be the kind of person I want to be.

How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?

I feel that I have been moulded by society to be a corporate junkie, acting all professional and responsible every moment of the day – even when I leave the office. When in actual fact, I would like to be a kid again and be carefree.

I wouldn’t have to worry about paying the bills, check when my car needs to be serviced, ensuring I have medical aid, take out funeral policies, life policies, car insurance, saving for a rainy day and I wouldn’t need to feel guilty about procrastinating doing something important.

I would like to be 4 years old again, where the foolish things I do or say are seen as amusing rather than stupid and life was one big adventure. Where it’s not expected from me to map out my whole future in a five year plan and know where it was that I’m heading in life. Where I can wash the stink of adulthood responsibilities off and rather play with tea sets, in the park or with my Barbie dolls. Where no one asks you for your highest qualification, your strengths and weaknesses but is impressed that you can count to ten and you know your ABC.

Life would consist of playing in the sand and having the small pleasures in life, like blowing bubbles, be the best thing since sliced bread. To go back to a time where it was ok to have grass stains on the knees of my pants. Where you are able to go anywhere and do anything and the only thing you had to do was have an imagination. Not forgetting, the magical experience of holidays such as Easter and Christmas time.

At 4 you live in the disillusion that your dad is the only man you need in life, that he will never disappoint you and that he will live forever. You are sheltered from the violence, crime, poverty, hurt and pain of the world. You live in a fairy tale that your happy little family is going to live happily ever after.

I would love to go back to a time where I could eat cookies and cream or cupcakes without counting the calories. Without me obsessing the I need to lose weight…be thinner…taller…prettier…smarter…dress fashionable/ sexy/ corporate/ casual/ Christian-like – all because society expects it from me.

All that would be required from me is to play, be merry and explore my surroundings. To be young again…would be a blessing…to live in a bubble protected from life as we know it.

How hard is it to follow instructions?

How hard it is would be dependent on how badly the person wants what you have or what you are offering. Growing up, I must admit, I was super rebellious…the more I showed I didn’t need you the better I thought I was off. You told me one thing and I did the complete opposite. I grew up (it was inevitable) and I learnt that rules aren’t there to be broken and they can be pretty useful.

I happen to think that I follow instructions quite well: I read it carefully, make sure I understand what is required of me, ask for clarification (if needed) and get down to business.

Now even though the instructions state various things, here are some reasons why it may be hard to follow them:
* How clear are the instructions?
* Life does not care about instructions. If my computer crashes it does not consider my stress levels as to when my assignment deadline is approaching.
* Sometimes technology fails us…internet doesn’t work, pc freezes, printer runs out of ink, websites bomb out etc.
* We phone to clarify the specifications, not because we don’t understand but rather because we think ‘how are we going to juggle this with everything else already on our plate’ and we are silently trying to let you know this.
* Could it be that the instructions are ambiguous?
* Often when we tackle instructions we are at our most vulnerable…hungry, tired, overworked and underpaid.
* Then there is the major question: are all of these instructions really necessary? I know a few Com Science students who may beg to differ.
* Are the instructions longer than 2 pages because it is hard to find the time to do what is required and read a manuscript of what is required to be done?
* Last but not least…life as a zombie is not ayoba…there’s not enough time in the day to work, study, eat, sleep and have some form of a social/family life.

Creating opportunity one bite at a time

I thought this slogan from Khayelitsha Cookie is so remarkably true and had me thinking about the rise of these entrepreneurs in SA. With so many wasted talents overlooked when you find someone begging at a robot, I often stop and think that money feels better in your pocket if you have worked hard for it.

Here is a story of unemployed women from the rural township areas who are trying to make a better life for themselves instead of waiting for a hand out. We all know that life can be cruel and unfair, if you have to wait on hand out...you may just wait forever.

The Khayelitsha Cookie hire previously unemployed women from Khayelitsha and then train and skill them in permanent, affirming employment. These women are able to keep stable jobs to sustain themselves and their loved ones. Now this I can respect and support.

They offer delicious biscuits such as choc chunk, ginger snap, brownies, safari flavour and mamma rusk. So next time you compiling gift sets for clients or wanting to give someone something that is proudly South African, you should definitely give them these cookies - it is sure to have them going back for more.

Now while you think it can’t get any better, Khayelitsha Cookie is spreading the wealth amongst the community by supporting Learn to Earn. The organisation, also based in Khayelitsha, offers life skills to empower the individual to contribute to society in a meaningful way.

For more information visit their website www.khayelitshacookies.co.za

“In the future everybody will be world famous for fifteen minutes” - Andy Warhol

Is this guy on crack? This is not the case for everyone…some people’s lives are filled with poverty and despair. Some have the potential yet are just another number, cardboard cut-out; pencil pusher in the corporate world. No Andy...not everyone will be famous. Some will drop of the face of the earth without a single person knowing of their existence. Ok so enough with the gloom talk.

The above statement makes me question, if I had the opportunity to be famous…what would it be for? Now I know most people would rant like a Miss World pageant contestant and say “World Peace” but I am a simple girl…

I would like to instate that people only work 3 days a week instead of five and that Monday is always a public holiday. Perhaps I will invent breathable stockings that that doesn’t rip just before that important meeting.

Maybe I will team up with Bill Gates and invent a rubber bouncy computer so that when technology pushes me over the edge…I can throw the machine out of my two story building without having to suffer the expensive repercussions.

What if I became a top agency for the plus size model…kicking the anorexic models to their nearest Mc Donalds to get a double cheese burger.

Perhaps I will be become a famous exercise instructor like Billy Blanks or create affordable tastey meals like Jamie Oliver – what are the chances...I’m dreadful in the treadmill and kitchen lol.

Perhaps I will become a lecturer teaching common sense classes to society, that we don’t need multi billion monuments when there are people starving. We don’t need to pumps thousands of Rands into the sport industry to watch people play with a ball when so many are unemployed.

So what would I be famous for? I would be ‘famous’ for doing my small bit, volunteer work and speaking out about causes that make our society a better place to live in.

Fantabulous is an understatement

Life can be quite a daunting thing…prices are always going up, work and family life is demanding, the unexpected curve balls of life which seem to happen all at once make it hard to sit back and enjoy the little pleasures in life. That’s why when my boyfriend surprised me with tickets to go see Madame Zingara I was over the moon.

I was dying to see the show; I heard numerous excellent reviews about the show and was sure to whisper them in my boyfriend’s ear. The initial reaction was that tickets are quite expensive but if he wants to spoil me…who am I to say no.

You walk through the demarcated area, noting each and every piece of décor carefully selected to transform you on the Love Magic Show. What was so amazing about the show was that you were constantly entertained from the moment you walked through those doors, there was no curtain to showcase the start and end but rather from the moment you entered performers where interacting amongst the crowd.

The costumes were elaborate, it made you want to buy a feather bower to feel part of. The characters of the performers were beyond entertaining and their performances were jaw-dropping. Characters ranged from a woman on stilts, a midget who had the bubbly personality bigger than any I have ever seen, a clumsy magician, a dark angel, Russian acrobats, beautiful woman displaying art bound to make your heart skip a beat, a soulful rapper, contortionists, a woman who took a childhood playtime, holla-hoops, to another level and three voluptuous singers who had us linger on every note. Be careful though, if you see a large woman flirting with you…don’t’ be fooled…that is actually a man – you have been warned. I think the act that sent shivers down my spin was a couple, who managed to perform with roller skates whilst doing flips, dips and swings.

Now many of you may think that the tickets are overpriced, after the show, I beg to differ. With riveting entertainment to keep you enthralled in the show and scrumptious food throughout…what more could you wish for. The show provides a four course meals which is pure taste bud perfection. You receive a free non-alcoholic Motjio As you may know, the show is famous for their choc chilli steaks…I now understand why. This unusual combination is utterly delectable…the steak is so soft it melts in your mouth. If you are looking to be mesmerized, I highly recommend this meal to anyone going to the show. If steak is not your thing…trying their Thai curry or their generous portion of Lamb Shank.

One of the things that struck me was that the food was served perfect and on time. How often does that happen in a restaurant?! There were hundreds of people seated at round tables yet the service was spectacular – 5 gold stars. Staff was dressed to the T in the theme, friendly yet professional and highly efficient.

I left the show not wanting it to end, entertained beyond my wildest dreams and my stomach satisfied from all the mouthwatering food. We were unable to take photographs of the extravagant performances but take it from me it was impressive. Perhaps it’s a good thing that photographs were not permitted so that you can go and experience this show for yourself. Taking someone to see this show is the ultimate gift, so grab and friend, colleague or loved one and make your booking to see this unforgettable show.

To the Madame Zingara Love Magic Show…the show was magical, extravagant and worth EVERY penny. I can’t wait to see the show again on your next tour!

A skill set called leadership

What is leadership and why is it on everyone’s lips? Leadership is more than the conventional definition to lead a situation by achieving goals or leading (managing) a group of individuals. It contains many characteristics, such as setting out new ways to strategically meet goals; it is not about managing people but advising and giving insight in how best to reach a mutually beneficial destination for all publics. The most important shift in leadership is the knowledge that leadership does no longer has to happen top-down in the hierarchy scheme of things and that there is a difference between leadership and authority.

The reality of life is that not everyone will go on to be a CEO of a big corporation. Despair not…not all is lost. We all have the ability or potential to nurture the skill set called leadership, whether it is be the leader of your household, the leader of your own life not waiting on others or life to go out and achieve what is that you want in life or just showing leadership skills in your office teams.

The Cluetrain Manifesto stated a remarkable evolution taking place…that management can now seek counsel from those at the bottom of the corporate food chain. The guys at the bottom are often overlooked, however, they are the ones who understand what it is that the customers are interested in or what there concerns are. This information is more vital than what can be achieved by a piece of paper stating you achieved an advanced qualification obtained at some University.

So don’t leave it up to the big boys to lead the way…get in there and play the game. Not all of us will become our own boss one day but given the right knowledge of our product/service, our consumer’s needs and concerns and the industry, the application of how to meet those goals can assist us in being leaders in our own right.

Most rock journalism is people who can't write, interviewing people who can't talk, for people who can't read – Frank Kappa

I wonder whether Frank Vincent Zappa was referring to himself when he spoke these famous words. Seeing as he was an American composer, electric guitarist, record producer, and film director. In a career spanning more than 30 years, Zappa wrote rock, jazz, electronic, orchestral, and musique concrète works. He produced almost all of the 60 albums he released with the band Mothers of Invention and as a solo artist – according to Wikipedia.

I never got hard core rock ‘n roll, it’s a whole lot of screaming that leaves me feeling on edge and aggressive for no other reason than that the poison is filling my ears. Nonetheless, the saying goes ‘different strokes, for different folks’. It is a genre that has made many famous – Elvis and the Beatles.

According to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame website, Rock and Roll, in all its forms, gives us a microphone to communicate with the world. It has the power to bring nationalities and generations together, to elect world leaders, and to move people. No other art form has the social significance of Rock and Roll. You simply cannot understand Western Culture without taking a serious look at this music. One has to question with all the screaming, is a microphone really necessary? I can understand that the music can unite and move people but election of world leaders is a bit far fetched lol.

Well, there must be something about rock ‘n roll as more recent stars take a crack at this music genre - some which I secretly listen to. Britney was one such individual to take a different direction from her Oops I did it again school-girl look. There is something for watching a Rock ‘n Roll performer, the outfits are outrageous, the high energy always seems to be off-the-hook and the lyrics (when you can make it out) sometimes isn’t too shabby either.

That being said, seriously now…I see his lips moving but I hear nothing of value coming out. This can be described for most of what Rock ‘n Roll peeps have to say when being interviewed. Let’s keep the deep and intellectual talk to the professionals…

Love at 50 something

I have come across various people in life….different cultures, religious backgrounds, status and race etc. Some of them just cross my path with no real meaning or impression left. Then there are the few that makes me sit back and take a few minutes out of my life to reflect.

This is the case with one of our volunteers who helps us on a regular basis - let’s call her Gloria. She straight off is a remarkable woman; she is in her mid fifties and she speaks about 4 different languages. Is originally from Germany but relocated to Namibia before coming to the Mother City. She has traveled the world and has had a book store in the family for generations. She never watches television yet her knowledge on life around her is outstanding. When she speaks you, you linger on her every word.

Gloria is nothing short of amazing; she has blown the lid on child abuse and survived her late husband taking his life after enduring a long and painful battle with Cancer. She later discovered she had Cancer and moved back with her parents whilst receiving chemo treatment. She told me about her struggle with Cancer…how the worst part was others seeing her slowly die. Despite it all, she has survived.

She now embarks on a new journey of love, which seems to be a scary and uncertain path. She tells me how her first kiss with her new love interest feels natural – this said as she squirms like a little girl. I enjoy watching her blush and burst to tell me new developments on the blossoming of their love.

How the first experiences feel as though she had never done it before. How to be sharing a house with a man after so many years of solitude feels like a brand new experience. We have many long talks about his 3 children and their discovery and acceptance of their relationship. Not forgetting his horrid ex-wife we call the ‘Rottwieler’. She is beyond entertaining as she mentions how she would go ‘Jungle-Jane’ if the Rottweiler stepped out of place.

She mentions how at the fifties they are all of a sudden young at heart and playful as he does the Charlie Chaplin and she laughs the night away. She recalls the evening where she drew a heart with her lipstick on his car mirror and how hard she found it not to tell him it was her who did it. Listening to her is the kind of thing that makes your heart warm and smile at how delightful life can turn out. How amazing it must feel to find love at their age and find another reason to live.

I ask whether she is at all weary of being hurt, or being left alone again. She casually replies that she has spent her life cautious and has died once before…now is the time to start living.

Top 200 achievements - Under Construction

1. Top 200 achievements
   
   What a task? 200 achievements is a lot if you but only 24. So here is my crack at the topic without stringing it out too much…
   
   1. Leant to walk
   2. Learnt to run
   3. Learnt to speak
   4. Obtained my National Diploma in Public Relations
   5. Enrolled and doing my BTech in Public Relations
   6. Paying for my own studies
   7. Working full time and studying part time
   8. Worked overseas
   9. Played sport
   10. Was a sports captain at school
   11. Was a Quality Representative at school for the Discipline Community – ironic don’t you think?!
   12. Never submitted to the pressure of my peers or society to be a drinker
   13. Traveled to Scotland
   14. Traveled to Austria
   15. Traveled to Dubai
   16. Traveled to Germany
   17. Traveled to Paris
   18. Traveled to Venice
   19. Traveled to Rome
   20. Traveled to the United Kingdom
   21. Traveled to Johannesburg
   22. Traveled to Durban
   23. Traveled to Eastern Cape – actually I drove all the way there
   24. Traveled to Pretoria
   25. Traveled to Port Elizabeth
   26. Traveled to Namibia
   27. Traveled to Mozambique
   28. Met SA Cricketers Graeme Smith, Jacques Kallis, Herschelle Gibbs and Mark Boucher
   29. Met SA Rugby players, Bryan Habana and Breyton Paulse
   30. Climbed Table Mountain thrice and moan all the way up on all 3 occasions
   31. Ate sushi and survived the disillusion of the avo-looking wasabi
   32. Only broke one bone in my body and it was the smallest bone (pinkie toe)
   33. Passed all my grades at school
   34. Passed Matric with an exemption
   35. Wore my Matric Ball dress to a function two years later and surprisingly I had to have the dress taken in
   36. Bungi jumped – even though I had to be pushed off the ledge
   37. Managed to suppress my road rage everyday despite people giving me a reason to get out and do something crazy
   38. Never been in a car accident which I caused – driving into our electric gate does not count.
   39. Being a reliable friend
   40. Being a faithful partner
   41. Got stitches and survived the ridicule from my peers calling me Scar Face – kids can be so mean
   42. Survived the embarrassment of going to school in casual clothes and it wasn’t Civvies Day
   43. Managed to pass at a tertiary level despite bunking all too often
   44. Was in a Freshly Ground music video – look carefully, it’s but a brief moment of fame
   45. I have no debt
   46. Experienced going for (many) interview(s)
   47. Been a responsible member of society – been employed
   48. Never been late for work – in fact, always at least there an hour before the time I start
   49. Overcome an addiction
   50. Having a friend teach her class about my life experience to inspire good decisions by the youth
   51. Given many inspirational talks to youth, church and sport groups
   52. Always had good references from employers
   53. Organised Harley Davidson 50th Africa Asia Anniversary in Cape Town
   54. Completed the Blisters for Bread 10km – on more than one occasion
   55. Survived being held at gunpoint while the table I was serving robbed the restaurant I was waitressing at – and no…it was not because of my service
   56. Survived many long, pointless and boring meetings
   57. Volunteer my time for those less fortunate
   58. Have been given the opportunity to intern at the Children’s Hospital Trust, the fundraising arm of the Red Cross Children’s Hospital
   59. Experienced the gees of the 2010 Soccer World Cup
   60. Learnt how to blow a Vuvuzela
   61. Learnt the importance in believing that your country can host an international event
   62. Proudly South African – been abroad and the grass isn’t always greener on the other side
   63. Passed my Learners – first time round
   64. Passed my Drivers License – first time round, although I did at some point beg for another chance to try the parallel parking
   65. Learnt how to ride a tri-cycle
   66. Learnt to ride a bicycle
   67. Learnt too roller-blade – although I am not very good at it
   68. Learnt to ice skate, although its more like I learnt to shuffle on the ice
   69. Managed to lose 15kg – dreaded Heathrow Injection
   70. Opened my first account – and happy to say I haven’t gone on any mad shopping sprees
   71. Learnt how to Tweet and all the other bits and bops of the Twitter world such as hash tags etc.
   72. Learnt the new world of blogging
   73. Was a Facebook addict – but that is so last season now.
   74. Learnt how to work the backend of a website and all the other HTML stuffies that goes with it
   75. Managed to ride the wave of Indesign and win – I learnt…I did…I conquered the beast
   76. Work for an NGO and survived the highs and the lows of fundraising in today’s economic climate
   77. Managed to adhere to most of my deadlines – impressive if you know my reputation
   78. Managing the process of developing a new website for the company I work for – exciting times
   79. Obtained a library card – and managed to return all books loaned on time
   80. Did Billy Blanks Tae Bo DVD – this should be a number 1 achievement, if you have ever done his exercises you will know what I mean
   81. Always managed to tip e.g. waiter, petrol attendant etc.
   82. Managed to survive in a male dominate industry with tack and whilst also being taken seriously
   83. Managed to go to gym for 6 consecutive months – winter is just such hard months to motivate myself to get out from under the covers
   84. Managed to paint my nails in a moving car…at night – can I get three gold stars for being amazing
   85. Survive the passing of my dad (RIP) – despite every bone in my body saying that it no longer wants to go on
   86. Survived putting our chow-chow, Bruno, down due to old age.
   87. Survived putting both our Rottweilers, Chip and Ringo, down due to Cancer
   88. Survived a Cancer scare when I discovered a lump
   89. Being content with my body image despite society saying anorexic is fabulous
   90. Waited to find someone who respects me – even though for many years I had to endure being the third wheel with friends or being known as the single friend. It was so worth the wait.
   91. Not entertaining gossip in office or in the circle of friends
   92. Paying the bills – on time, every time
   93. Being able to be mature enough to admit I am wrong and apologise – this is very hard for me to do – so it may take a few minutes for me to churn up the words
   94. Being able to take criticism and try and improve on what was said
   95. Managed to form my own opinion about who I am and where I want to go in life
   96. I believe in God and realise all I have is by the Grace of God
   97. Respect my elders – many of the youth today lack this today
   98. Managed to not learn how to cook – instead have an amazing boyfriend who is fantastic in the kitchen – BIG BONUS
   99. Drove on a Harley Davidson and only after 5 turns did I not resist and take the turn with the turn
   100. Being able to list 100 achievements
   101. Learnt how to Salsa
   102. Learning how to Jazz – boyfriend an amazing teacher
   103. Learnt how to fly fish – although I wasn’t really good at it
   104. Learnt the art of clubbing whole night in killer-heels and then feeling as though I want to crawl to my car
   105. Been faced with situations which compromised my morals and values in the work places and I took the high road without a thought to do otherwise
   106. Asked to be the God-Mother of my cousin’s baby – if you know me and babies, you will know this is an accomplishment of note
   107. I am a aunt of 3 kids
   108. Managed to eat half a gatbsy – I couldn’t move after that…do not try this whilst at work
   109. Bought the Allen Carr book on how to stop smoking – first steps to a healthier me
   110. Having my first press release published
   111. Buying my first cellphone
   112. Owning my first car
   113. Celebrating my 21st and being able to thank my parents for helping me get there and guiding me to be the person I am today
   114. Learning how to Harvard Reference in my BTech – how did I get through those first three years?!
   115. Eaten dog food as a bet – don’t ask me why
   116. Able to shower in less than 10 minutes – record breaking time I reckon
   117. Learnt Xhosa in grade 7 – can’t remember a thing though
   118. Learnt French – can’t remember a thing here either
   119. Maintaining long hair – I mean I should get a Nobel Peace prize for the effort – it takes me an hour to blow dry my hair
   120. I have driven a camel in the desserts of Dubai
   121. Belly danced with a professional in Dubai – I had to show her a thing or too…on a serious note, it’s harder than you think
   122. Did pole dancing – it will have every muscle aching.
   123. Driving whilst putting on my makeup – not a proud moment, there are times when there just aren’t enough hours in the day
   124. Got interviewed by Carte Blanche on the Julius Malema saga – and boy did I have a lot to say
   
   To be continued…watch this space...pics to come soon

Stellies Market

Glimpses of sun appear and you brave the winter’s day to go and experience another life in Stellie. Rise and shine...it’s an early start to the day but I know it will soon be worth it in the beautiful Stellenbosch surroundings. This time we have come prepared with cash to splash. There was nothing worse than stumbling on this prize and not having card facilities to swipe.

You start off cautious as you view the various stalls and your budget…and believe me there is something for everyone. I immediately fell in love with the shiny stuff (jewelry). The arts and crafts are amazing, the craftsmanship is done at such a high standard it will blow you mind.

I couldn't leave without getting a few things for the fam so I got mom a leather Bible cover, gran some home made delicious chutney and the boyfriend was content eating just about anything there.

There’s a taste and aroma for each and everyone. The smells travel through the air and tempt you to the next meal to blast your taste buds and imagination. You get spicy, healthy, sweet, savoury, samplers, wine, local food, Italian, Tapas etc. Why stop there...the wine selection is great and if you perhaps still feeling the effects of last nights party, try the freshly squeezed juices.

Note the following:
1. The flee market is only open on Saturdays, from 09h00 to 14h00.
2. Bring cash and loads of it; there is only one bar with a card facility and they do no favours for other stores - no matter how hard you beg.
3. The food varies from local to international cuisine – come hungry...better yet, come ravenous!!!
4. Product prices are a little steep considering it is a flee market. That being said, a steep price for helping a fellow South African be an entrepreneur should be seen as a blessing to helping the rise of SA talent.
5. Flee market is open during winter months; a marquee is erected to ensure that you don’t miss out.
6. Bring family and friends and make the most of the day, ideal for catch up with your girls over a glass of wine.
7. It is guaranteed that you won’t leave there disappointed...it's where the gees is.

What motivates me?

Without getting too mushy…I would have to say the 3 L’s (love, life and laughter). I know it sounds cliché but I’m a simple girl. All the rest…like getting the biggest engagement ring or a bigger salary is of course a bonus (hint…hint).

Love for my family and friends, their friendship, kind words and encouragement in hard times is what gets me through. These relationships help to make me the kind of person I would like to be. I mailed a friend today to mention how chaotic life has suddenly become with deadlines looming all around. He in return said but a few words, ‘You have been through worse man, you will be ok’. Those words that stared at me on my computer screen and made me realise to stop whining and to get on with things.

Life…the past struggles which I have overcome is proof that anything is possible. It motivates me to persevere. My circumstances keep me grounded because there is so much to be grateful for, that others do not have.

Life can be super crazy…there’s nothing like a weekend getaway to help put things back into perspective. The outdoors is remedy for the soul, it helps to push pause on a busy world. The world is an amazing place…exploring the long open road is true bliss.

Laughter is what gets me through many painfully boring days. It takes many forms, such as a friend being clumsy, a joke email or reminiscing about younger foolish days.

Goals that are set and achieved help me to see that the way forward is not as hard as it seems…that one small goal is one step closer to the big thing. When things are going alright, the high seems like it will last forever. When it doesn’t…I chase it to feel that initial high.

Now if you are having difficulty in feeling those initial highs…you can do what I do to motivate myself…a trip to the shops can cure any mood.

If the budget is tight a good track will do. You know what I mean…that song that gets your head bobbing and singing along. It takes on various genres such as Lady Hawk, Lady Antebellum, Sade…even Amy Winehouse.

I think the most important thing that motivates me is the fact that life and time waits for no one…so give yourself 5 minutes to moan about how unfair life is then best you get on with living life.

10 Most unexpected consequences of being online.

Life online has been a bitter sweet pill to swallow, here is a list of my unexpected experiences:

1. I thought that online information at my finger tips would save me a trip to the library, yet all it has done was give everybody an opinion about everything…an opinion that may not be qualified on the topic.


2. The monthly bill from Telkom for the ADSL line which DOES NOT work (since last year November), even after 2 hours on the phone with the technical support team. Those dreaded 24 month contracts…aaargh!


3. Social networks have now become more corporate networks as businesses try and bombard us with services and products. We just can’t escape the corporate talk *sigh*.


4. Online has created a monster as more hustlers trying to scam you out of your hard earned cash. We have all experienced this at least once…You have won 10 million US dollars; please deposit 500 dollars into our account so you can get your prize – yeah right, as if I’m that gullible.


5. Airy of dirty laundry - perhaps you hurled after one too many and within seconds the whole world knows about it, even your boss.


6. Nothing says freedom of speech like those funny comics taking the knock at politicians when they “put their foot in it”. One wrong word or movement and we will be there within seconds to laugh about it.


7. Withdrawal symptoms when not being able to Google, msn messenger, use Twitter, Facebook or any other online application from your computer or mobile phone. Or when you message a friend online instead of going into the next office to chat. Much of this withdrawal was experienced during the “load shedding”. When these symptoms happen, you know that you have crossed over to the dark side of internet addiction.


8. Those dreaded online forms that freeze every time just before you get a chance to submit the information. Then you have to start all over again. Usually there is a spike in the stress levels and the Serenity Prayer gets said to prevent me from smashing the machine.


9. An increase in guilt trips by those annoying emails saying: email to ten of your friends so to help prevent abuse against animals OR you will have a lonely life followed by a painful death.


10. Finding a relative online that you never knew you had. Even worse…perhaps you hooked up a few times not knowing he was a distant cousin…cringe.
    

Now while it may seem like life has handed some unexpected lemons from being online, always remember to make lemonade (and vodka to taste) and sip on that while having a rant on one of the many online complaint sites.

Elephant in the room

Dread and despair filled Timmy as he opened the 30 year reunion invite for the class of 1980. Timmy has always been a bit of a scatter brain, not to mention clumsy. However, he has managed to excel despite his reputation of being a loner and nerd at school. He has become a leader in the medical industry. He was every bit worthy of attending the reunion, if for no other reason than to showcase how successful he has become in life.

He walks into the beautifully decorated auditorium, confident and self-assured. He soothes himself with a double whisky on the rocks while running over his life story to date. His wife can not begin to understand his anxiety and torment of adolescent years, she being quiet popular at school. As Timmy walks to the table, someone shouts…’Hey! There’s Timmy the pants wetter!’

Mortified, he could feel the blood rush to his face as if he was that same insecure child 35 years ago. It felt as though there was nowhere to hide as all eyes were on him and the laughter roared through the room. His wife, concealing her smile, tried to offer words of comfort as she said, ‘kids can be so mean’. The reality is that these were grown-ups yet so few of them had actually grown up. Of all the memories which the brain could store why did his peers remember him wetting his pants in Grade 8? Some were gifted in having memory like an elephant – unfortunately that memory is to the detriment of another. Murphy’s Law there will always be one smart-arse with the memory of an elephant in the room.

Moral of story: never wet your pants in public. If wetting your pants can not be avoided, avoid all events where people who witnessed it are attending.